Why I Love Jesus

When I was growing up, I used to hear some friends, some people at work, some people in church, some people on TV and lots of other people... say that homosexuality was wrong and sinful.

Because I knew that I was gay, their negative remarks, jokes and putdowns, seared into my heart and their painful words followed me wherever I went.

A few of them talked about how gay people had to change and be afraid of God like they were afraid of Him, and when I was young, I believed them. So I struggled silently through the years, trying to repent from being GAY, but it never worked. I prayed and prayed and prayed...but nothing. I realized it was impossible for me to be who they thought I should be.

Because I believed that God would only accept me if I changed, I focused on myself and how I was failing, and that went on for many, many years. But after much denial, frustration, exhaustion and stepping away, I decided to follow God anyway, even though I was gay. I hoped He would have mercy on me, and I discovered something: That Jesus was OK with me.

After all this time of listening to these people throughout the years and trying to be like them, I realized, that I was only good at being myself. And I discovered that Jesus did accept me and love me for who I was. They were wrong, and I had listened to them, instead of God.

The only one who actually stood by me was Jesus.

And all of those who told me that God wouldn't accept me because I was gay... I realized that THEY were the ones who couldn't accept me. Not God. Everything they have said is the opposite of what I have found to be true. God and Jesus are nothing like they make Him out to be.

While I listened to these people throw stones, gang up, snicker and say all kinds of nasty remarks about gay people and some in the name of God, I found that the irony is, it is God who protects me from THEM. Jesus has never treated me the way they treat me.

Jesus still loves me and He did indeed die so that I could live.

Some Christian people do not welcome gay people in their churches. They keep putting strict conditions on God’s love and talk about how gay people are horrible sinners, but time and again, Jesus proves to me that He still loves me and sticks by me, regardless of what they think and what they have said.

God listens and answers my prayers, He comforts me and He teaches me. He is faithful, He brings me love, He gives me His Holy Spirit and He blesses me. Boy does He bless me. And He has never left my side. Jesus has walked every step of my journey with me and I love Him even more for that.

Yet because I am gay...they still don't believe that God could bless me and think that I have twisted the truth or have deluded myself. They don't believe or trust anything I have to say.

But I can only praise the name of Jesus! God’s love for me has never changed at all. And the reason He never "healed" me from being gay, despite my desperation, was because there was never anything wrong with me in the first place.

I am as He created me.

Through every heartbreak and disappointment and every painful situation, I can see His hand in everything and all of it has been for a reason. The homophobia I felt, the fear I felt, the loneliness, the rejection, the people who came and left in my life, and all the things I have learned because I am gay, has made me who I am today: a believer and child of God.

God has taught me about prejudice, injustice and how even God’s people say and do evil things. He tells me I shouldn’t be angry with them but that I should have forgiveness because they are slow to grasp His love and need a bit of time to grow and learn what the Gospel is really about: God's love for all of humanity.

And the magnitude of that love cannot be measured, understood or reasoned by any person. No one can fully understand God's love...until he/she has been touched by His all-encompassing compassion.

Jesus tells me to stick with Him and His ways and He continues to protect me from those who try to dismiss my life. And He asks me to teach others about what He is really about. That He is love. God loves EVERYONE.

Jesus has proved himself to me and I know He will never leave me.

That is why I love Jesus.

 

© 2008 Edrick


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