My Cancer & My Faith
Early this year, my doctor wanted me to do a test because some numbers were a bit high. Up until then I had felt healthy, was physically active and feeling pretty good for a person my age. I thought any hiccups in my health could be resolved easily by diet and exercise.
Well one test lead to another and then another and then it was confirmed that I had CANCER.
The news shocked me. I had envisioned my life to follow a certain path and the confirmation froze the plans for my future in its tracks. I was not prepared for this. Yes I am a senior, but my soul still feels like I'm 25.
Having a cancer diagnosis is a rude awakening and thoughts rushed to my head about death and dying. As a Christian, I was always at peace knowing that Jesus has given me eternal life. At the same time, knowing my time on earth was running out caused me to panic. I wasn't ready to go yet. I had envisioned and planned things for myself and my old age and now everything was up in the air.
I began to doubt everything I had done in my life. Had I been too extreme or not done enough? What was I missing? What did I do or not do that might have caused this? I learned that genetics, hormones and even stress influence the disease. And though my efforts at a vegan diet and exercise have kept me physically healthy for my age, it wasn't enough to stave off cancer.
Eventually I realized it all didn't matter. I had the disease and now I had to deal with it.
Then my mind turned to my faith. I have felt blessed in my life and feel that God has been with me throughout my time on earth. But was I losing God's favor? Had I not done enough for Him? Was I too self-centered or worldly? Was this punishment for a sin I was allowing into my life? Unforgiveness? Not trusting enough? Was this a test of my faith? Or is it just my time?
I am a confessed Over Thinker, so my mind covers everything. This has helped me in the past to plan things accordingly and helped me prepare for future problems which has made my life run smoothly, but I'm sure that over thinking contributes to stress.
In the time in between each medical test, I have gradually grown to accept that my time might be near and I should get used to the idea that things will be different for me. Though fear and anxiety took over many times and I had to corral in my thoughts, I asked God to calm me and remind me that He is there with me.
I talked with my brother who is a minister and he told me something that happened with him when he was young. There was a time in his life when he was anxious about life events and had prayed many times for God's help and one day God spoke to him, telling him,
"Why do you doubt Me? Haven't I always taken care of you?"
And with this he grew calm, felt God's peace and since then is no longer anxious. He defines himself now as a "Prayer Warrior" and trusts God to take care of all things.
That has stuck with me.
I looked at how God has helped me in the past, and yes, I can only praise Him for the many times He has rescued me and taken me through many very difficult trials and struggles. All of which have made me stronger, better and more faithful.
This has been one of the hardest difficulties for me in my life. As the date of my surgery approached I grew more anxious, but was reminded of a sermon I heard in a church long ago. The sermon basically said that there will come a time in everyone's life when we can no longer do it on our own. That we have to let go and give all to God. This was this time.
My surgery was a success and my initial internal fear was released. At my weakest, God proved Himself my Savior. For that I am in joyful thanksgiving. It has been a very difficult time for me, but His goodness has proved to me again that He is with me.
I know that there might still be a long rough road ahead for me. I will have good days and bad days, but I will have to take one day at a time. There will be times when my faith will falter and my spirits will fall, but I will continue to look to Him. Many of the things that I thought were so important to me I now realize I have to let go. I am no longer the director of my life. I can only pray that my faith will be stronger and that the Lord will show me what really matters. I am at peace knowing that He is here with me now.
Jesus I love you. Show me where you want me to go.
© 2025 Edrick
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