Multiple Answered Prayers

Last spring, I finally figured out that most of my mental problems were likely not hereditary, as I was so convinced of for years. This revelation came to me from my step-brother with a non bias perspective. Strangely enough, some of my friends wondered about this theory, and my current doctors and therapist agreed with me.

Sadly though only mom retains the hereditary narrative. But I can't blame her for not remembering back from when I was less than 10 years old. My biggest regret is I missed my childhood and teen years from trying different ways to manage my bi polar depression, yet I was too afraid of being more honest to avoid being committed.

These personal revelations have come to me off and on over the past few years. Another big one was in spring or fall of 2015 when I finally realized that that despite being traumatized and everything else, my school/ teen years could've been a lot worse: I have no criminal record or violent history and I don't ever want that to change.

When mom finally told me the main reason she doesn't like my sexuality I was impressed because it wasn't over the usual clichéd ones, but rather concern for my being lonely and being safe from getting attacked or killed. Considering how a lot of parents respond to this news, I find that admirable.

I know some of these things came from God because of my intense crying, which sometimes feels like a soul cleansing or a conscience crying, esp. when I've done something cruel, intentionally or not) Kinda like how Jesus shed his blood for mankind's sins, I get my cleansing from crying.

I know to some this may sound weird, but maybe I'm underestimating certain readers, we'll have to see...

P.T. B.


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