Pain & Healing

We all have something.

A lost friendship. A bitter painful breakup.
Someone whom we love, but who doesn’t love us.

A loved one who has died. Someone who walked away from us.

A violation. A betrayal. A rejection. A nasty fight.
We all have something that has caused us pain, grief, sadness, shame, resentment, anger, guilt and bitterness.

If you don’t, then you’re one of the few blessed souls born with rhinoceros skin, or else you just don’t allow yourself to feel anything. But for most of us mere mortals, we've all had something that has taken us to hell and back. And as gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people, we have our fair share of painful words hurled at us, rejections, strained family relationships, prejudices acted on us…yep we’ve all got plenty of pain to go around.

Most of us keep our pains inside of us, hiding behind a smiling exterior, or at least an exterior that keeps people from looking in. Our pain runs very deep and we don’t realize that all of our accumulated pain influences everything we do.
Many GLBT people are able to express their pain creatively.
There are so many GLBT artists, writers, musicians, dancers, performers, designers and architects to name a few. Our isolation and pain has given many of us fuel for our creativity.
Much beauty has bloomed from a person struggling with their identity and rejection. But just because we can express our pain, doesn’t mean it’s still not there.

Pain sticks with us.
Pain from rejection stops us from reaching out.
Pain from broken relationships prevent us from seeking new relationships.
Pain from broken trust keeps us alone and friendless.

Some of us become quietly more reserved, less apt to smile or meet people, protecting our heart. But for others, the pain is so massive that it has lead some to substance and alcohol abuse, obsessive and compulsive behavior, promiscuity, unresolved anger and resentment, abusive relationships, a distrust of people, depression, acting out, suicide, low self esteem, etc. and etc. and etc.

You just can’t hold onto so much pain without it coming out in very bad ways. That’s because as living people we hurt. Pain takes a toll on us and doesn’t go away very easily. Many of us keep our pain alive for years and even decades.
I think most of us shove our pain into a closet ignoring it and not realizing that it is growing like a nasty fungus.

It hurts, but we’ve gotten used to it.

How many of us still pine for a lost love, romanticizing it with longing, but in the process keep ourselves forever stuck in the past.

Or for those who have loved ones who have passed, our pain is especially sharp. We miss them so much it physically hurts.

And some of us just have the pain of feeling alone and unloved.

Our pain is usually worse at night, but in the day, we put on the fake smile pretending nothing touches us, but it’s a lie.
Our pain prevents us from getting on with our lives and experiencing the now.

Some people seek psychiatry or therapy to talk things out, and to this I say congratulations for taking an active role in dealing with your pain. And yet others, do their inner work on their own whether by sharing their burden with friends or motivating themselves. But most of us just let time dull our pain.

I suspect most people do not process their pain very well. As Christians, we’ve never been taught to do so. Some churches shun any kind of psychiatric therapy, yet they don’t tell people how to deal with pain. The church concentrates on sin and clean living, but do not encourage their members to do the important work of inner healing that we all need. Most of them have no idea how to go about doing it. And many pastors don't know what to say to a parishioner who is in pain.

Working on our pain is VERY IMPORTANT if we are to grow spiritually. Some of our pain came decades ago and some just yesterday. And even though our pain hurts so much, we still ignore it. We just hide it from view and hope no one will see it.

There are no easy solutions to resolving our issues.
But our first step is to seek God for healing.
He then will lead you to where you have to go and what you have to do. We have much inner healing work to do:
Work to forgive ourselves. Work to forgive others. Work to let go of the past. Work to mend our scarred hearts so we can become open again.

Each pain needs something different, but we need to get on it.
We can no longer afford to let our pain heap onto itself while our lives choke. The worst would be if we didn’t deal with our pain and just became cold inside. Our pain is there to help us learn how to love, not to stop loving.

Jesus said, “...let the dead bury the dead”. -Matthew 8:22
We need to bury all our pain of yesterday, so we can be alive tomorrow. We need to take the step to deal with and let go of our pain so we can move on with the help of God.

Some things bring us joyful and painful memories that we don’t want to give up. Yes, we can romanticize that which is killing us, but realize it is hurting you now and wrecking your future.

Ask God to help you to let go of your pain.
He will lead you to the place where you can unload your baggage, because only when you’re ready to give them to Him can He begin to heal your wounds, scars and injuries.
God doesn’t want us injured, limping, depressed, angry, apathetic, distrustful or reclusive.
He wants to make us whole, so we can be at peace.

Our pain is not without a purpose and you should not be ashamed of having pain because experiencing pain confirms that you are a sensitive loving soul. A human being.

God hopes that you have learned something.
He hopes that you will have compassion for others with pain.
He hopes you will trust Him with your pain.

And He hopes that even though you have suffered much, you will not give up but continue to love and be loved in the world.

God wants us to be happy to live each day anew, free from all that has kept us from loving and trusting each other. Instead of distrustful eyes or apprehension about being ourselves, He desires us to be NEW PEOPLE with an easy smile and a warm heart.

Jesus knows our pain and died to free us from them.
Ask Him to help you.

“and He shall wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there shall no longer be any death; there shall no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away." And He who sits on the throne said, Behold, I am making all things new." And He said, Write, for these words are faithful and true.” - Revelations 21:4-5

 

© 2005 Edrick


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