Finding God Through All the Hate
For a gay person seeking spirituality with God, it can be a difficult journey. Obstacles have been placed by those who want to block all GLBT people from finding Him. Voices all around keep shouting, "Gays can't get into heaven!", "God hates gays!","Homosexuality is a sin!", "You can't be gay and Christian!"
Many of these voices come from Christian preachers and ministers (the guardians of the faith). And because they are the leaders, their followers echo their same hateful negative messages. They have been taught well. The leaven of the Pharisees has indeed contaminated the dough.
Their hate and prejudice towards gay people have risen to a fever pitch and they don't care how we feel or what we have to say. They are blind to the evil they commit in God's name. Their attempts to kick us out, isolate us, to make laws to separate us from them, reveal that they do not have the heart of God.
said, "Beloved, let us love one another, for
love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. The
one who does not love does not know God, for God is love." - 1 John 4:7,8
Anyone who has experienced the saving grace of Jesus Christ, can only have love and compassion for others. But the louder they yell, the more they reveal that their hearts are cold.
Because they falsely accuse us, how can we be part of the Christian church? The way they judge us. The way they refuse to listen or understand us. The way they stereotype us and make up lies about us. They don't realize that they are driving many of us away from the church and God. But that is their goal. They don't really want us around them.
Yet despite their cruel and bitter rage, many of us love God. We see the wonder of God and are drawn to Him. Many gay people struggle trying to understand how God could create us like this and yet condemn us for it. It seems so hard for so many to find God because of the shouting from the leaders of the faith who use the Word of God to attack us. The Word of God that we love.
They seek to make gay people afraid of God. They yell because it makes you notice them and yelling is a good way of canceling out other voices and getting a standing ovation. They love the attention. Very Pharisaic!
But their voice is not God's voice.
The ordinary nonbeliever, straight or gay, can see very plainly the hatred, prejudice, arrogance, doubletalk and hypocrisy of those who yell at us. You can recognize them by their fruit.
Yet the ones doing the yelling think they are doing God's work. It is amazing, how blind they are to the damage they are causing. They can't see that their ranting has broken the hearts of millions, forced too many to suicide and turned us away from the church of God. But the devil likes that because Christians are the best at effectively turning people off to God.
Many gay folks have walked away from the whole thing. I know of so many GLBT people who will NOT set foot in a Christian church because of the few who have hijacked the faith. They have successfully driven many people away from Christianity all together. What they are doing is the opposite of what Jesus would do. They will have to answer to God for the stumbling blocks they put in front of GLBT people to keep us out of God's Kingdom.
"But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck, and to be drowned in the depth of the sea. Woe to the world because of its stumbling blocks! For it is inevitable that stumbling blocks come; but woe to that man through whom the stumbling block comes!" - Matthew 18:6,7
“"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the kingdom of heaven in men's faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to."”- Matthew 23:13
“…Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.” -Matthew 25:40.
They paint a picture of God as a cold heartless tyrant who only cares that the rules are performed exactly to the letter. Is this the true God? Or is it perhaps that this is who THEY BELIEVE God to be and they are the ones living in fear. They fear God, so they spread the gospel of FEAR to others.
How can the Gospel...the GOOD NEWS of God...be about fear? How can anyone serve a God truly...if they are afraid of Him?
Our hearts whisper to us that God is not the cold, icy, silent, oppressive figure they portray Him to be. Our hearts tell us that He is not a God of fear, but a God of love. The Creator of love.
How can we find the truth of who God really is? The many voices cause confusion in the hearts of God's GLBT children. So many have tried to follow the advice of those against us and have tried to "pray the gay away" to no avail.
So many have tried to repent from the "sin" of homosexuality and NOTHING. God STILL did not change us. Even after decades of prayer, abstaining from thoughts and feelings, we are still gay, living a life of self-hatred in our own skin.
Some have even married and had children...hoping that by obeying...they would magically become straight. But nothing changed and their lives became more complicated, messy, depressed, lonely and joyless.
So many doubt their salvation and see no way out, because they know that being gay is who they are.
Listen my brothers and sisters...the voices who condemn us...do not speak for God. Their voices are their own. They cannot see our hearts.
“…for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” -1 Samuel 16:7
The first thing to do is to turn away from them. Stop giving them an audience. Stop giving them the attention they crave. Their power comes when people believe them. Turn them off. Tune them out. Walk away from them. Don't believe them. They don't understand. They don't care.
Then ask God to reveal Himself to you.
You heard me right. Ask Him.
Ask God. Ask Jesus to tell to you who He REALLY is.
God created you. He loves you and He wants to talk with you. He has loved you since the beginning of time. He created you as you are and knew you before you were born. He knows your pains, your struggles, your attempts to please Him, your sacrifices and He still loves you just as you are. And He wants you to fall in love with Him. He has ONLY love for you.
The people who CANNOT or WILL NOT love you...want to push you away from God. But God will draw you to Himself.
Listen for God's voice. God's voice is not like theirs. God's voice is quiet. And God governs NOT with fear, but with love. God's ways are ways of love.
Go to God in the quiet of the night. Shut out all the negative voices. Sit with Him, He is always there. Introduce yourself and ask Him to show you who He is. Talk to God, talk to Jesus. Ask him ALL your questions and spill out yourself to Him. Talk of your frustration. Talk of your rejection. Talk of the pain others have poured onto you. Show Him your tears. Ask Him what is true and what is a lie.
Ask Him to show you His love.
Keep talking to him. As you walk through each day at work or in school, watch the world and talk to Him about everything. Ask him who is real and who is fake. Listen for Him. Feel His love. He will show you all things. He will teach you all things. He will reveal you His truths and expose the lies of the world and the lies of the yelling Christians who have tried to corner you and ban you from God.
If your heart is pure. If your heart is humble. If your heart is sincere and truly seeking Him, He will come to you. I can't tell you how. I can't tell you what He will tell you, because His message is just for you. But I can tell you He has only love for you. Unconditional love. Love that you can NEVER lose, and you can NEVER do ANYTHING that will make Him love you any less.
If you open your heart to Him, He will pour your heart with His love, but you have to give yourself up to Him. He wants and loves you, but only you can decide, when you are ready for His love. You may be holding back from Him because of the voices of those who have made you afraid of Him. But you don't have to be afraid of God. He created you and knows you up and down and inside out. He has been there all this time and is closer to you than you think.
He wants to bring you Light, but you have to let go of the fear they have planted into your mind that He is against you. It is a LIE. Let go of the negative voices of the devil and those who repeat his nasty words. Kick out the curses of the church/ministers/anti-gay haters that have made you miserable. They are speaking for themselves. They do not have love.
God will not reject you as they have claimed, but you will be awed and filled with joy when you find that instead He will rush to embrace you with all His might. God's voice is pure. Gods voice is comforting. God's voice is not condemning. God wants the best for you because He loves you. That's how you will recognize God's voice: By His love. Any voice that causes you to hate yourself, to hate others, to be afraid is not from God. God's voice speaks only of love.
God will lighten your heart and fill you with His Spirit. If those against you were SO right, you would not receive the Holy Spirit and your prayers would not be answered. But you will know they are wrong because God WILL come to you. He WILL grant you peace. He WILL calm your heart. And He WILL bring you tears of joy.
You WILL find His love.
His love is life changing. Love is what will open your eyes, make you heal, grow and be strong. Love is what will connect you to Him and His universe. And because of His compassion and love, you can only love Him and spread His same love to others. That is what the Kingdom is all about. NOT FEAR...but LOVE.
Ask God to show you Himself that He is real.
Talk to God and listen for Him. He is love. He is lovely.
"For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, 'Abba, Father.' The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children."- Romans 8:15, 16
© 2010 Edrick
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