When we were children our parents had dreams and expectations for us. It may have been to become a star athlete, or go to college, or to marry and have a big family. There were also the expectations that we had for ourselves. We may have planned our lives so meticulously that it seemed that nothing could stand in our way.
What happens when those expectations and dreams are altered or scuttled altogether? As TGLBI people we may know that all too well. Weíre stopped dead in our tracks trying to assess what has happened. Did we do something wrong? Did we fail God? Were we blinded by our own ambition? We may have been on the right course but something always gnawed inside us that all was not well.
We know what can happen when expectations of others are not met. Thereís disappointment, failure, regret, disgust, and even hostility. Parents may say how could you? Teachers may say that Iím disappointed in you. The boss may overlook you on the next project because you failed to deliver. Your dreams may not have been your parentsí dreams. You may not comprehend all that is happening.
Transgender and gender variant people face this sometimes many fold. We cross over the boundaries of what society expects of us. Our feelings may be dismissed as phases. Some may believe that we have sinned, or are an abomination, or are deceivers.
When I read scripture, I find that many of the protagonists never expected to accomplish the feats that they did. Moses never expected to lead the Hebrews out of Egypt. David never expected to be the king of Israel. Paul never expected to meet God on the Damascus road. Jonah never anticipated being in the belly of a big fish.
The apostles expected that Jesus would deliver them from Roman rule. They never expected that a man who did so many good works would die a cruel death on a cross like a common criminal.
I never expected that being transgender would be part of Godís plan for my life. It reminded me of time I was walking along the Brooklyn Bridge headed home. A rainstorm came while I was in the middle of the bridge. I couldnít go back where I came from nor could I stay where I was for fear of getting soaked to the bone. I could only proceed ahead.
We need to remember that God knows whatís best for us. God has always used people who were least likely to accomplish something. Transgender and gender variant people have been at the forefront of many of the social movements throughout the centuries. We may not understand everything but He has all things under control. It isnít so much who we are as to how best we can glorify Him.
© 2011 Gennee
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