I’m Dancing As Fast As I Can!

I remember when I first heard the line, “I’m dancing as fast as I can!” I envisioned a sweaty tap dancer on an audition with stamping feet and swinging arms speeding faster and faster, desperately looking for any kind of acknowledgement, applause or recognition…but to no avail. Just silence from a panel of stone-faced judges...“NEXT!

“But...I’m dancing as fast as I can!”

It is a very funny image and just thinking about it, makes me chuckle.

But unfortunately, this cartoonish situation sums up how many of us really feel at times when we are trying desperately to get God’s attention and acknowledgement.
In our situation, it is no longer funny.

Many of us GLBT Christians, at one time or another desperately prayed for God to remove our conflicting sexual feelings from us. We cried, prayed, begged, bargained and pleaded with Him. Though we honestly poured our hearts out to Him, we felt like He was just sitting there saying nothing. It was not funny at all. He did not change us and gave us no explanation.

Not only were we praying all the time, but trying with all of our soul to change ourselves, searching and repenting from any impure thoughts or motives, avoiding everything that we thought might displease God. But still, nothing.

What am I doing wrong Lord? “I’m dancing as fast as I can!”

It is that moment of harsh reality that we feel we are alone.

Many of us have desperately prayed to God while nursing a broken heart, or when a sick or dying loved one seemed to be slipping away from us. And I suspect all of us who waited for an HIV/AIDS test result, bargained and cried to God, sweating the entire time. And for many of us with AIDS and life threatening illnesses...we are resigned and exhausted from our cries to God for understanding and wisdom asking, “WHY GOD? Why me? Why me?”

It just seems like God has tuned us out. Like He's just watching us.

"I cry out to you, O God, but you do not answer; I stand up, but you merely look at me."- Job 30:20

What is that about?

Other people seem to have everything: A great job, good looks, a wonderful home, good health, an accepting family, financial security, a loving partner, a purpose in life, answered prayers. God has poured blessings onto them a thousand-fold.

But for many of us, it seems like we are forever bumping head first into a maze of walls.

What are we doing wrong? We’ve done everything He’s asked us. We’ve sacrificed ourselves for Him, worshiped Him, served His people…but our situations seem to just get worse.

Well, I will boldly say that God cannot be pigeonholed. He is not predictable and cannot be coerced or persuaded into doing anything for us...unless He wants to. God works with each person individually and differently. And He has a different will for each person.

But there is one thing He wants from all of us: OUR FAITH.

He doesn’t want you to spend hours and hours in prayer, as if more hours praying means more sincerity. And He doesn’t want you to go down the list, searching and trying to uncover every unconfessed sin either. As if He won’t listen to you until you figure out which sin He is talking about. God is not a Micro Manager, though we have been led to believe He is.

We rack our brains trying to figure out what we're doing wrong, but if we are in FAITH…we’re not doing anything wrong. He just wants us to trust and wait on Him. But the reason why this seems so hard for us is because it is TOO EASY. Just trusting in Him? That can't be all He wants from us. It seems like we should be suffering, sacrificing or something painful like that, or at least trying to do something. But our humbleness is all God seeks. He is searching for a humble, sincere, obedient heart.

Just because you don’t receive a sign, doesn’t mean He is not there. God really does have major plans for you, but those plans can only come about when you let go. Yep, that cliché saying, “Let go and let God” is true. We have to let go of everything we THINK is true and just let God show us what IS true.

We have to let go of our demands. Let go of our timetable. Let go of our ego. Let go of what we have been taught. Let go of our expectations. Let go of our preconceived ideas. We just have to let go of everything.

And let God do His will...in His time.

When you have stopped dancing. When you have stopped trying so hard to do what you think He wants you to do... He’s finally got you where He wants you…humble and relying on Him. It's like He's trying to wear us down, so that we will stop trying to impress Him, because many times our desires are counter to His desires. And it is only when we finally give up...can He finally be free to work with us.

He is teaching you, in your hour of need, that you can’t do anything. The more you try to get Him to react, the more He says nothing. That is because you are unconsciously using your faith to manipulate Him to do your will instead of allowing His will to flow. But God understands. He's trying to break your habit of taking charge of everything without Him. His ways are better ways and His purposes are greater than your purposes.

There are times that prayer, fasting and submission is what God desires, but in these particular cases, perhaps He is saying…
“How is your faith if I don’t answer your prayer? If I don’t give you what you want…if I am silent about all your attempts to get My attention… if the opposite of your prayers happens? How is your faith? Do you still trust Me? Do you still love Me? Or will you curse Me and stop believing Me?”

God is putting you through the fire.

You have proven your faith in small things. He now wants to up the ante. He wants to help you grow more maturely and more solidly in your faith by putting you through the fire.

You're doing everything you can think of to get God to do your will. You are pushing every button. Trying every trick to show Him how spiritual you are.

“I’m dancing as fast as I can.”

But God sees your heart and because you have proven your faithfulness…God is saying, “You don’t have to do that. You can relax.” He just wants you to trust Him and stop trying, because the more you try the more you get in the way. He knows you love Him. He knows you will do anything for Him. But He wants you to do the hardest thing: To wait on Him and take Him at His word. And even though it seems nothing is happening and God is not listening...He has His plan for you. He loves you and there is a reason and purpose for everything. And your prayers may never materialize as you wish, but trust that God is in everything as He says He is.

So, you can stop dancing now.

Our eyes don’t see the Big Picture, which is why He is God.
We don’t understand His plans for the world now, but one day, when we stand before Him, all will be revealed and we will drop to our knees and be in awe and amazement of how God, Our Father has brought everything to pass as it was meant to be since the beginning of time.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden light." - Matthew 11:28-30


© 2005 Edrick

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